When I introduce myself to new people as a researcher in music education, a frequently encountered response is “oh - I wish I could play an instrument” or “I really cannot sing, but I wish I could” or something along those lines. There are obviously a lot of people, at least in the Nordic countries, who crave for being able to express themselves musically, but despite years of musical training in school assume that they are depraved of the possibility to do so for some reason. Some people consider themselves music illiterates and trace this back to one or more music teachers. In this paper I investigate some of these narratives from how the grown up pupils remember meetings with music educators in retrospect, and the perceived consequences for what they characterize as fatal meetings for their musical self esteem. The study is based on in depth interviews with 6 grown ups who have volunteered to talk about how this has infected their lives. A pragmatist base in the heritage of John Dewey, combined with perspectives from Spinoza and Deleuze makes a foundation to understand these stories. The results will focus the narratives in relation to democracy, happiness and meaningfulness and possible implications for the music teacher profession.