In this article, we analyze how young people with sexual intimate partner violence (IPV) victimization experiences describe, interpret and attempt to understand their abusive partners. Building on a qualitative interview study with 27 young participants (ages 17–24) from Norway and Sweden, our analysis demonstrates how young people’s victimization experiences in abusive relationships are characterized by confusing, contradictory and conflicting emotions about their abusive partners. We developed two ‘ideal types’ of relationship dynamics with abusive partners from our empirical material – being in a relationship with a ‘Callous Lover’ or a ‘Frightening Victim’, respectively. These ideal types illustrate how emotional contradictions take different forms, are managed differently and bring different consequences for the young, victimized participants. We argue that their efforts to manage their contradictory feelings towards their abusive partners can be understood as ‘emotion work’. The demand for such work is shaped by social expectations and norms of what constitutes a ‘good’ or ‘normal’ relationship, and of what can or should be expected of romantic or sexual partners in adolescent and young adult relationships. Managing and trying to live up to these expectations has consequences for young people’s opportunities to disentangle themselves from harmful relationships.